Dear Mr UPS man

Dear Mr. UPS man,

I know that you are probably a very nice man. You have brought packages to us for over a year with promptness and a quick knock on my door.  You have been pleasant and quick with a wave.

Having said that, please STOP leaving me notes that say “bad dog” and not leaving my packages.

People I give you exhibit A:

My “bad dog” is named Knox.

Knox has experienced a little bit of freedom for the last 6 months due to his invisible fence line being cut while we were adding an addition to our home.  I am sure, Mr. UPS man, that you have seen all the work going on at our home.  It has been fairly obvious. We are planning to re-install his invisible fence, but with the finishing of our addition, the holidays, three kids, soccer games, and busy schedules, we have not gotten around to it yet.

Much to our surprise, Knox, has stayed close to home.  Now don’t get me wrong, he has gone “exploring” a few times, but has returned home and been content to lay in the sun.

Recently, Knox discovered he likes the front porch.

He has also become very FRIENDLY to those who drive up to our home, especially, those who are strangers to him.

He may bark at you.

He may lick you to death.

He may put a paw up for you to shake.

He will sniff you to see if you have any food on you.

I fear, Mr UPS man, that you have mistaken Knox’s protection of HIS home, his overt FRIENDLINESS and his large size, as signs that he will do you harm.   Unless you are another dog, who comes in our yard, ESPECIALLY when my children are about, you should be safe.  Now, if you try to approach my children, be forwarned, he will bark at you…..but isn’t that what a GOOD dog does?

Mr. UPS man, I would also like to point out, that Knox is 9 years old.  He is slow to get up and when it is cold, his joints get a little crickity.  I have no doubt that you can out run him since he is a senior citizen in the dog world.

Now don’t get me wrong, Mr. UPS man, Knox was a beast back in the day.  His puppy years were quite atrocious and there were times I called my husband crying letting him know that I hated our 3 month old yellow lab and that he was a “bad” dog.  Our trainer, who trains police dogs for the Metropolitan  Nashville Police Department, described Knox as “stubborn, strong-willed and not the sharpest crayon in the box.”  Our behavior challenged dog gave us many moments of stress, anger, and confusion of what to do.  He was not an easy dog nor one that we could allow others to be around.

He jumped.

He licked you to death.

He hit you with his tail like the force of a bat.

He snarled.

He jumped.

He would never be still.

He tore up all kinds of things.

He jumped.

But, then, he began to mellow around year 7.  He began to sit more.  He would lay around and let our kids pull his ears, step on him and even put necklaces on him.

He became the dog I  had always wanted.

So, Mr UPS man, excuse my mommy claws for coming out, but you are messing with my first “child.”

He is not “bad.”

He is loving.

He is old.

He is protective of his family.

He is ours…..so back off.

Sincerely,

Mrs. “Bad Dog” owner

P.S.  Happy 9th Birthday Knox