Early on, we quickly realized we had to make some adjustments to make sure ALL of our kids were getting the attention they needed, because most days, I felt too disconnected from Parker, Emery and Bradley.  We were in the same room and doing our normal routine, but we knew they needed, as did we, a little more!

So, we came up with a very complicated, intricate plan….we let each kid stay up for 15 to 20 minutes past bedtime, one night a week. Earth shattering, right? It may not seem like a big deal, BUT, it has had a huge impact on our family! Not only do we get to spend one on one time with each child, but it has decreased bedtime drama because we have a plan. During our 15 minutes, we do an activity they want, but also check in with them about how they are adjusting and feeling!  Since we are a LARGER family, we are realizing we have to be creative and make adjustments to make sure  each child has our attention and time.

What things do you do to have one on one time with your kiddos?

Some of what I have discovered and experienced in the past four weeks, is very personal and private. There have been moments of fun, smiles, joy, firsts and many laughs. There have also been moments of tears, desperation, exhaustion and fear.

FOR ALL OF US..

In one of those moments, the Lord, impressed upon me, that it is not MY job to heal Judson Obsi….only HE can. It is not my job to restore and redeem this precious soul..only JESUS can work that in and through his life.  My job is to seek to daily be obedient to love and serve ALL of my children.  We are the primary vehicle that the Lord will use to bring about security and consistency in Judson’s life and on some days that is ridiculously natural and easy. On others…I question every decision I am making. Every anxiety and fear comes out and questions…am I doing this right? Am I responding in a way that will help him connect and attach to me?  Can I do this?

The reality is NO…I can not do this. I detest when people say that God will not give you more than you can handle….Wanna bet? He will consistently give you more than you can handle…because in OUR weakness, HE is made strong. Because in those moments, we have a chance to die to ourselves, submit to HIM and beg Him to meet us in our need. And in that process, HIS NAME is made great and our lives are ABUNDANTLY lived.

Judson Obsi has surprised us on a daily basis. He is active, into EVERYTHING, a performer and LOVES to make people laugh. He was VERY apprehensive when we fist arrived home, with EVERYONE including Parker, Emery and Bradley. But after the first week, he realized that these kids are fun and want to take care of me. He has gotten more and more comfortable in new situations and we have gradually gotten into the community and to church.   Bedtime and sleep were initally a big issue until we figured out how to approach it in a way that worked for him and for us. He is now sleeping through the night, in the room he shares with Bradley.  He does not really play with toys, yet, but loves cabinets, remotes, opening and closing doors and just exploring. He loves to be outside and likes to be on the go. He has been to church, but is not ready to be in his class, yet.  We have visitied his MDO class and he stayed for a little while without me in the room. Many, many, strides….he is a fighter and so resilient.

Judson has a few medical issues that we are addressing. He has been to the Vanderbilt International Adoption Clinic and we are going to begin his immunizations again. We are also having him assessed for OT and PT services. He is pretty healthy and we are so thankful.

This has also been a major transition for the rest of us. I have seen my children RISE up and SERVE this little boy. I have seen Parker mature in so many small ways.  She is always asking me what she can do and is such a HELPER.  She blesses me.  She loves to play and hold Judson, but also needs a break from him. Emery is such a GIVER. She loves to hold and play with Judson, teach him new things and just keeps coming back for more. She amazes me. Even when he has bitten or hit her, she keeps coming back to love him. Bradley has been slower to warm up, but has turned the corner.  To be honest, to watch him navigate this transition, has been very emotional for this mommy.  I have watched him GROW into being a big brother, to teach and play with his brother. They have lived out grace and mercy.

For me, it has been harder than I ever imagined, but more simple than I could have dreamed.

Judson Obsi, you are worth it all.

And did amazing.

He played cars, linking beads, balls and was interacting with the boys. He spoke to them and it was just so fun to watch, knowing these boys will grow up together. What a gift we have at our church! God has placed the lonely in so many families who have been obedient to adopt and has given a spirit of grace and love for these children, in the hearts of others. The Body of Christ at work is evident and I am so very thankful.

While playing, we notice that he is very stiff legged and has an uneven gait. I am fairly certain he does not run. But, he did begin to try to repeat words we would say and even counted as we went up the stairs! He seemed so much more at ease today. Jason fed him some injera for lunch and we prepared for our Embassy appointment.

I was very nervous about riding in the van with him, because we know he has gotten car sick in the past, but he just looked out the window. He becomes more stoic as we move into new situations. His default mode is very unemotional, which in fact, shows the emotions are welling in him. He finally fell asleep. When we were settled in at Embassy, we spoke with several other families and were again, struck with how blessed we have been on this journey. Many had been referred to Rome for further investigation or have waited for 30+ months. But, our son was also the oldest of all the kiddos at 2.5 years.  He was stone faced the whole time, holding his sippy cup and cars. He did fall asleep because we waited forever. For some reason, our name got lost in the shuffle somewhat…or our facilitator forgot to sign us in! The actual interview was brief and like going to the bank teller. He did ask what we knew of the birth mom, and he told us a little about her story from his interview with her last week. Wow. I wanted to invite him to dinner to learn more, but that did not seem appropriate!

Finally, we head back to the Guest House and we were influenced to not be out with the kids in public a lot. We had actually gotten a taste of why the day before when we were walking to go eat. We were going to go with the Mitchells and another family to do some shopping. The ladies at our Guest house are so sweet and talked with Judson Obsi telling him we would be back. He does this cute little half head nod, a lot, and you can’t help but just love it.

When we got back, he cried. Either at the sight of us or out of relief….but he did cry. We decided to not go out to eat but instead, stayed in. He was very apprehensive with us again, but was also SO tired. He just fell asleep.

We were not far behind him and finally got a decent night of rest…..

Jason and I seeing Judson Obsi

Approaching him gently…no tears!

Ahh, there are the tears…those clothes and tennis ball are the only thing we have from his orphanage days.

You can see he is looking for an out…anyone? Please?

Jason and Sue got in on the action to see if they could calm him…it didn’t work.

This is Hewitt…she is amazing. She talked to him for several minutes and calmed him right down. I realized later that we left without giving her a chance to tell him goodbye and it just hurts my heart. She cared for him for 9 months and I can imagine that she was a source of comfort and stability for him.

We had several other parents at the T house that day and we shared many conversations as we let him acclimate to us a little more.

Judson has an amazing dad and I love how he began to look to him from day one. Those few days we had just us and Judson Obsi were such a blessing and I am so thankful for our moments, just the three of us.

I will always remember this day for the simplicity of it and the significance of it. No turning back, Judson is finally where he was created to be.

Travel Day was crazy, of course!
Jason was able to go to the staff retreat for a while and I finished last minute details. Emery had gotten strep throat over the weekend so she was home with me.
We were able to spend a little time with Parker, Emery and Bradley as I was, no doubt, throwing things in the suitcase.
Our last moments as a Party of Five we spent in prayer together.
It was precious to this mommy, who can’t shield them from the long days ahead, but I can point them to the fact that we are in this together.

This is their story, as much as his.

And I have no doubt they will Rise to the task that God has given us.

Next stop….Ethiopia.

January 11, Gotcha Day

As soon as we landed in Addis, we were able to get a game plan together for the day. It was 8am and we had been traveling for almost 14 hours. We originally thought we would go to our guest house and get some rest, but after talking with our Agency Director, who is in town, we decided to go, get changed and head to the Transition house to pick him up. We are so excited to be traveling with Charlie and Gina Mitchell, a family from our church who are bringing home Nate and  Abe. We were greeted by them and their sons at the guest house and we both received an extra dose of energy. We all ended up going to get Judson Obsi.
Sue, our agency director was at the T house, along with a few other parents!

Our moment was not dramatic except in the only way that matters….
He let us approach him, touch him, and talk to him for a few minutes With NO TEARS!!

We had been told he was giving out smiles and high fives, so we knew the prayers of so many were not returning void!

We felt hope and joy!
He of course started crying, but we went into the living room and Hewitt, the lead nanny, spent a long time talking to him, telling him we are his mommy and daddy, we love him, and that she was going to get him candy! He finally calmed down, interacted with us, then, fell asleep.
We left the place he has known for 9 months , as he slept…

When we got to the Guest house, we spent a lot of time playing cars, eating suckers and being with Nate and Abe. I am so thankful we are traveling with them. They are familiar, active boys and just plain fun. They also provide familiarity for him.

That afternoon, I was able to feed him Injera and give him lots of water that he is drinking from a sippy cup! We heard him speak in this high pitched voice, scolding Abe for trying to take his smarties! It was such an answered prayer just be with him!

He is showing an ease with Jason and would just lean into him. What a picture of grace and love…a child leaning into his father. He is still very solemn and shows no emotions and we definitely have some developmental and health issues to address, but he made tremendous progress today. h

His only episode of crying was when I tried to lay him down for a nap. Too much for our guy. So Jason held him and he fell asleep for a nap. We gave him a shower after he woke up and he refused to sit in the tub for a bath. It was obvious he didn’t know what to do. His belly is very distended and his pull ups are falling down because the rest of him is so tiny.  We put on his pjs, and I can’t tell you how BIG that felt to this mommy who thinks matching pjs is essential!

After that we tried to feed him, but he was not very hungry. We are learning if you put a lot in front of him, he wants to have it all in his hands. Trial by fire with the food…

And tonight, he fell asleep with a magna doodle in his hand and his mommy by his side and has slept all night, unlike his parents! He is actually still sleeping at 7:30.

Jason and I were spending some time in the Word this morning and Jason read John 4:46-54 and how appropriate it was for us on this early morning….

So he came again to Cana in Galilee, where he had made the water wine. And at Capernaum there was an official whose son was ill. When this man heard that Jesus had come from Judea to Galilee, he went to him and asked him to come down and heal his son, for he was at the point of death. So Jesus said to him, “Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe.” The official said to him, “Sir, come down before my child dies.”
Jesus said to him, “Go; your son will live.”
The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him and went on his way.
As he was going down, his servants met him and told him that his son was recovering. So he asked them the hour when he began to get better, and they said to him, “Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.”
The father knew that was the hour when Jesus had said to him, “Your son will live.”
And he himself believed, and all his household. This was now the second sign that Jesus did when he had come from Judea to Galilee. (John 4:46-54 ESV)

We believe this promise that OUR SON WILL LIVE, not just physically, but that the real boy will be unleashed and come alive.  What a gift we were given from Jesus, speaking truth to our minds And hearts!

We are rejoicing in this day and know that God is at work…praise you, Father…..

Is it really winning when a young girl has to relinquish her child because she has no way to provide for him? Can we rejoice over this child for whom we have prayed is coming home, when it means, the arms of another will never again hold her son? Can we do this? Can unspeakable joy and the deepest heartache exist at the same time?

So, those were the thoughts and emotions swimming in my heart and head at 5:00 am, as I’m standing in my bathroom, and read those precious words.

YOU ARE CLEARED.

My heart was tender and broken most of the day towards this young woman, who I knew was probably seeing her child for the last time. The ache I felt for her was almost painful because I imagined what it would feel like to release my children to the love and care of people I had never met nor seen. Not for a moment or a day, but forever.

And, I was broken.
In the midst of learning tha our Embassy appointment meant leaving four days later and juggling schedules, and finishing things at work, and getting the final touches done on adding a toddler to our home, and spending time with the kids, I thought of this young woman and just hurt for her.  I needed to grieve for her and with her at the fallen world we live in and wrestle with how God will be glorified when there are 147 Million more just like him.

And then….

Later in the day we received pictures of that moment. Obsi with his birth mom on that last day.
And I was struck by how beautiful she looked and how AT PEACE she looked. With a smile on her face, holding him, enjoying that time, I was again overwhelmed with the knowledge that MY God redeems, He takes that which is broken and tenderly makes it new. He alone brings beauty out of the ashes and I saw the proof on my computer. In her eyes, she can now rest, knowing she loved that boy enough to put his needs before her own. I may never know all the details of her story or her reasons, but I do know this….she sacrifically loved her son.

And now it is our turn. It is Jason, Kelly, Parker, Emery and Bradley’s turn to take the reigns from her and follow her example to love him. He is a Stewart, whether he likes it or not, whether he looks like us or not, we will love him, for the rest of his days. We will now walk the path of healing for a scared, little soul. Our journey is not at the end , but rather, we are only beginning….and I can not wait to see Judson’s redemption story…..

Sweet First Mom,
I may never meet you except in the mannerisms or eyes of our son, but I can promise you this, Judson Obsi will be loved. I will hold him tight, I will wipe his tears, I will give him boundaries, speak encouragement to him, help him dream big, and advocate for him. His daddy will show him how to be a godly man, a leader and a gentleman. His sisters will stand up for him, take care of him, and protect him. His brother will play with him, teach him about cars and trucks, and let’s be honest, tackle him. His grandparents are amazing and will give him pretty much whatever he wants. His aunts and uncles will always let him vent about his parents. His cousins will laugh with him and always play with him. His church will open their heart to him and live out a faith in Christ that is real and passionate.

I promise to pray for you and to honor you. I know God has an amazing plan for you..seek Him. He will heal your heart and He is trustworthy. You are forever apart of our life and you can rest in the knowledge that your son has found a home that wants to see him UNLEASHED.

Be at peace….

It is time to bring our son home.

The past few days have been a whirlwind, but today has been one where I feel like my course has been set and I am moving. We received precious pictures of Judson with his birthmom yesterday and it is such a gift. She is a beautiful young woman and I am beyond humbled.

I still have more to share about our court trip and the amazing time we had.

For now, I ask you to pray.

Pray for all the details, our children, our travel, and for our transition. I am not naive to think this is going to be easy or even kinda hard. I know we are not able to walk this alone and I am so thankful that to serve a Father who will complete that which He started and for a community that loves our son already.  The list of resources I have are endless and I DO NOT take the support we have for granted.

We are going to get our son….

Just like that we are a Party of Six.

Wow.

The girls stayed at the Guest House with some older kids and had a blast helping care for one of the babies. They also introduced the IPad to their new African friends. Evidently, Angry Birds is a universal language! They also had their hair braided. Love watching them let some things go. Love that they see with a different lens. Love watching them be givers of self.

That afternoon, we ventured on a tour of Addis with another family and their soon to be adopted 8 and 10 year old! It was really fun. We went to the market and Emery had her first experience of what it means to be a blonde kid in Africa. There were a group of children who got out of school and were passing by. They were very curious about her and a few minutes later, I noticed Emery getting a little emotional. When I pulled her aside to check on her, she informed me of how some of the kids had pinched her, kicked at her and poked her….bless her. I felt just awful, but knew these kids were not being mean, they just wanted to touch her. We were able to purchase some things from the market for the kids to take to their classmates and I may have done a little bit of Christmas shopping.

We later went up to Entoto Mountain which looks over the city. It was rugged. We saw this huge ant like parade, which we later learned these were ants with pinchers! Poor Em, again, was the victim of their claws and was such a trooper as we are literally ripping her shirt off to see what in the world was biting her!

It was a wonderful life changing day.

We left Nashville on Friday, October 28 and headed to Washington D.C. We stayed overnight and flew out on Saturday.  13.5 hours later and we are there! Ethiopia is not a quick trip, but all in all, we had a great flight.  The girls did great!  They watched movies, read and slept (very little.) Jason sat next to an Ethiopian woman named Gigi and she walked with us through baggage claim and customs. She and her husband run an orphanage 100 miles outside of Addis Ababa. She was invaluable and was ready to help us in any way.

We got to our Guest House and crashed for a while.

Then we headed out to meet Obsi.

We were nervous and excited,  realizing there is no turning back. This was the moment I hadprayed for and thought about for months.  The nanny went to get him up from his nap….not good. He came in wearing clothes we had sent months earlier that looked like they had never been worn. His 18 month clothes were big on our 2 year old. The sweet nanny handed him to me and he was terrified.

He just cried and cried and cried. I carried him outside and he just couldnt stop. He then kinda sorta threw up…awesome. It is just heartbreaking. He began to calm down when the Nanny picked him back up. We played and played and played…with all the other kids. We just kept giving Obsi suckers, kicking a soccer ball and he got to a point that he would only whimper when he looked at us. He even cried when the girls tried to hold him. Our whiteness seriously scares him.  They call these people (us) he has never met, Mommy and Daddy. He is wise enough to recognize that changes are coming. Jason said to me at one point, “He is guarding his heart, which is a good thing.”

The good things I saw were how attached he is to the Nanny and the older boys who are at the Transition House. Obsi seeks them out and their presence comforts him. They were gentle and patient with him. They did not like seeing him cry and you could tell that they just wanted to scoop him up and help him feel better. That warms this mommy’s heart. I have NO doubt we will become security and stability for him…it just will take longer than fifteen minutes.

We loved playing with the kids. Parker has been saving her kids meal toys for a long time.  For months, she has put them in a bucket at our house because she wanted to give them to the kids at the orphanage.  When we got there, they began to hand them out.  You would have thought we were giving a shopping spree at Toys R Us!!  They loved these small token gifts. Some would take them and run, others would share with their buddies. So many of the kids were eager to be held,  and most were ready to play and to interact. It was truly breathtaking to watch our girls give of themselves.

October 30…the day we met our fourth child, Judson Obsi, age 2 years 4 months.

Here is our precious son, who is officially a Stewart! We passed court in Ethiopia on October 31 and were able to spend several days with Judson Obsi.

I am not going to candy coat it…he is not a fan of us. He cried most of the time and was never really comfortable with us.  He was able to fall asleep on me two times and actually woke up and stayed in my lap for about 2o minutes. PRAISE!! Jason is still editing our pictures and I can’t wait to share about our trip in detail. The girls did so good and I was so proud of them and how they handled every situation they faced.

I know they are forever changed and this trip will have a tremendous impact on them for their lifetime.

And, they are not the only ones…

It was an wonderful week and I can’t wait to go back for our Embassy appointment and bring our boy HOME. Please pray that this happens sooner rather than later!

More to come…