Getting Judson home…Part 1

What a whirlwind few days we have had. We woke early Thursday morning, January 5, to learn that we had cleared Embassy and were ready to travel. I can’t explain the absolute relief that washed over me. Part of the adoption journey involves waiting, that is a given. But there are also a lot of unknowns that can either cause you to get caught up in the emotion over it….or to submit it to Lord, sometimes second by second. It involves trusting that a young African girl who lives hours from the capital, can be found and will endure a long, bumpy, uncomfortable journey…to again tell her story and say goodbye to the son she birthed and raised for 19 months. It is believing that God is always at work on our behalf, for the purpose of His Glory, even when what is going on around you, seems like the forces of evil are winning.

Is it really winning when a young girl has to relinquish her child because she has no way to provide for him? Can we rejoice over this child for whom we have prayed is coming home, when it means, the arms of another will never again hold her son? Can we do this? Can unspeakable joy and the deepest heartache exist at the same time?

So, those were the thoughts and emotions swimming in my heart and head at 5:00 am, as I’m standing in my bathroom, and read those precious words.

YOU ARE CLEARED.

My heart was tender and broken most of the day towards this young woman, who I knew was probably seeing her child for the last time. The ache I felt for her was almost painful because I imagined what it would feel like to release my children to the love and care of people I had never met nor seen. Not for a moment or a day, but forever.

And, I was broken.
In the midst of learning tha our Embassy appointment meant leaving four days later and juggling schedules, and finishing things at work, and getting the final touches done on adding a toddler to our home, and spending time with the kids, I thought of this young woman and just hurt for her.  I needed to grieve for her and with her at the fallen world we live in and wrestle with how God will be glorified when there are 147 Million more just like him.

And then….

Later in the day we received pictures of that moment. Obsi with his birth mom on that last day.
And I was struck by how beautiful she looked and how AT PEACE she looked. With a smile on her face, holding him, enjoying that time, I was again overwhelmed with the knowledge that MY God redeems, He takes that which is broken and tenderly makes it new. He alone brings beauty out of the ashes and I saw the proof on my computer. In her eyes, she can now rest, knowing she loved that boy enough to put his needs before her own. I may never know all the details of her story or her reasons, but I do know this….she sacrifically loved her son.

And now it is our turn. It is Jason, Kelly, Parker, Emery and Bradley’s turn to take the reigns from her and follow her example to love him. He is a Stewart, whether he likes it or not, whether he looks like us or not, we will love him, for the rest of his days. We will now walk the path of healing for a scared, little soul. Our journey is not at the end , but rather, we are only beginning….and I can not wait to see Judson’s redemption story…..

Sweet First Mom,
I may never meet you except in the mannerisms or eyes of our son, but I can promise you this, Judson Obsi will be loved. I will hold him tight, I will wipe his tears, I will give him boundaries, speak encouragement to him, help him dream big, and advocate for him. His daddy will show him how to be a godly man, a leader and a gentleman. His sisters will stand up for him, take care of him, and protect him. His brother will play with him, teach him about cars and trucks, and let’s be honest, tackle him. His grandparents are amazing and will give him pretty much whatever he wants. His aunts and uncles will always let him vent about his parents. His cousins will laugh with him and always play with him. His church will open their heart to him and live out a faith in Christ that is real and passionate.

I promise to pray for you and to honor you. I know God has an amazing plan for you..seek Him. He will heal your heart and He is trustworthy. You are forever apart of our life and you can rest in the knowledge that your son has found a home that wants to see him UNLEASHED.

Be at peace….